Iso-la-ti-on. That's the today's word. Sometimes it gets really difficult being here. Sometimes the isolation I fel is sharp as needle and hard as a battle ram.
Today is just not my day. Last night I felt so excluded from the world. Gossip doesn't help either.
It's like I forgot to talk to people, it's like I'm getting back to my 'serious' mode again. Cat ate my tongue.
Maybe it's because I lost my chance as soon as I tangled myself in web of relationships here. But what enerves me the most is exclusivity of the groups. It's like hig school all over again for me. As if it was not hard for the first time. And now the second?! God.
Ypu have Queen bee, you have spanish in general and french in general. Other people just decide to pick one group and assimilate. Maye it's because the average age here is 19-22. People NEED groups still then. But I never did. I hated belonging to the group and at the same time so desired to do so. Like I said, hig school. Like karma is paying back to me with the words - ADAPTATION.
This morning I cried so much about it. On that subject I haven't cried since I was 16. 16. (!)
But then, as usuall I got up. I decided to ignore things as usual. I decide to ignore the gossips and just be myself again. For the other part I decided to ignore my french lover. I feel lately I have being forcing him to do something. It's not like I'm trying to get the Green card for the France for goodnes sake! Mybe is in my mind. But usually it's not. So I'm backing off for a little while. As hard as if it will be.
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